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Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

terry
April 20, 2011 07:08AM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 2,524

Asking people who are waiting on them in a shop:
Do you live hereconfused smiley
Good answers would be:
no I commute between here and Miami every day.
No I take the train from St Thomas every day
big grin

Where can I buy a sample of the different colored water I see in the oceanconfused smiley
No good answerexcited

How do they keep the islands from bumping into each otherconfused smiley
Answer: they are chained to the bottombig grin

One lady was mad after snorkeling because it was SALT water. She wanted to know why because this wasn't the ocean but a sea, and where could she find the fresh waterconfused smiley
No good answerexcited

Are there any Americans that live hereconfused smiley

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!
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bathiel
April 20, 2011 08:32AM

Registered: 10 years ago
Posts: 509

One of the things that really bothers me is watching people at Cane Bay walking across the coral in their fins as they're trying to snorkel. Um, if you're looking at it because it's pretty and interesting, why would you walk on it?

Bernie

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

robbySTX
April 20, 2011 08:50AM

Registered: 8 years ago
Posts: 157

From Molly at SCUBA.......(as she told me)

"Can you snorkel under the island?"
"When does it snow here?"

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

JahRustyFerrari
April 20, 2011 09:35AM

Registered: 6 years ago
Posts: 238

Tourist is driving past Annally Farms one afternoon...old man Lawaetz is cowpunching some Senepols that had got loose from the pasture and were running across the road. Tourist stops his Jeep, walks over to Lawaetz, and asks him "what time is it?".

Lawaetz is trying to handle a 2-ton Senepol. He grabs its tail, moves the tail to the left, and says "it is three o'clock".

The tourist is astounded! surprised He says "oh my God, you must teach me that trick!!"

Lawaetz says "OK...come over here and grab this bull by the tail".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says "OK, now move the tail to the left a little bit".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says " OK, now you see the clock on the church over there???"

big grin

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Afriend
April 20, 2011 03:42PM

Registered: 11 years ago
Posts: 413

Ugh!!! That joke's so old when Adam told it to Eve she already heard it.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Tortugar
April 20, 2011 04:12PM

Registered: 6 years ago
Posts: 2

Q: How long have you lived on "St. John's"?
A: Umm... I don't live on St. John's, I live here: on ST JOHN.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

divinggirl
April 20, 2011 05:20PM

Registered: 9 years ago
Posts: 887

Q: (asked by a tourist getting off of a dive boat in C'sted harbor) How do you keep all the boats pointing the same direction?
A: That's the Harbor Masters job.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

roadrunner
April 20, 2011 07:46PM

Registered: 9 years ago
Posts: 593

Oh, I love these! People back on the mainland refer to me as an ex-pat all the time, which I hate. It's the *US* VI, people!

This reminds me of the politician who was concerned that sending more troops to Guam might make it tip over... thinking

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

pilatesgal318
April 20, 2011 11:00PM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 404

These are GREAT!! However, I still like the "Do you live here?" and the "No, I commute from Miami" response....one I have used often!!

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

stjohnjulie
April 21, 2011 05:49AM

Registered: 9 years ago
Posts: 593

I was walking through Cruz Bay a couple of months ago and had my little baby with me (he's always with me smiling ) He gets a lot of attention and an older couple stopped me.

Wife: "OHH! He's so adorable! How old is he?"

Me: "He's 5 weeks old."

Wife: "He is just so cute! Bob, come look at this cute little baby."

Me: "Thank you! He's a very good little baby."

Wife: "He is just so cute! And look, he has a tan already!"

Me: silence...uh....

You see, he doesn't have a tan. I am white, his dad is a very dark skinned West Indian, and the little guy is about half way between us in skin color. I didn't know what to say to her. I was shocked into silence! I've since thought of a few things to say back big grin BUT, in her defense, a few weeks ago a local Rasta guy kind of @#$%& me out on the street for letting my baby get "too much sun". Hee hee!

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

terry
April 21, 2011 07:15AM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 2,524

Is there fish in the water?

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Ronnie
April 21, 2011 08:13AM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 1,889

Just this week a lady with husband and kids in tow turned to them in Gourmet Gallery and said, they must ship these things in here because they have the same stuff we have at home. Duh! Bet they ship them to your area at home as well.

While touring with some friends from my college years 40 odd years ago, the wife asked if the water ever comes over the waterfront. I said yes during a storm surge during a hurricane it most certainly does. She said, what about a heavy rain? I laughed the husband laughed, she looked perplexed. I said, Mary Ann you sure do wear that blond hair of yours better than I can remember from years ago. A college educated nurse, mind you, that took care of sick people!

On St John there was a tour guide many years ago that would stop at the roadside that looks down at Maho Bay and tell the tourists that this beach is the only one that the water actually comes up to the sand! They were all in awe!

They always ask when I pick them up why we drive in the wrong side of the road. I say, no we don't we drive on the left, would you like me to drive on the right? No thanks!

What's my accent they ask. I don't have an accent, you do.

RLcool

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Zigmo
April 21, 2011 10:03AM

Registered: 7 years ago
Posts: 68

I ran across this website a few months ago. It looks really new in the sense there is only 10-15 stories on it.

[www.wtftourist.com]

Looks like a FML variant to me.


My Favorite.

I was walking through the lobby of the hotel I work at and overhead a lady ask "What is up with the iguanas all over the island? Do you put them in cages at night?"


I haven't been here long enough to have a story of my own......

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Nannerz
April 21, 2011 11:24AM

Registered: 8 years ago
Posts: 74

I love it when they leave ALL money, credit cards on the ship, then try to buy things with their ship card. That works.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

thoogie
April 21, 2011 04:16PM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 39

While sharing a taxi from the airport and passing by Sunny Isle, a guy exclaimed, "Wow, they have a Wendy's here!" He then asked the driver, "Do you guys have schools here too?"

But my favorite was the first time I went to Hotel on the Cay with my wife. We walked onto the hurricane destroyed tennis courts on the backside of the Cay and she asked, "Why is there all this pavement here?" I told her it was the old parking lot. She fell for it for about 10 seconds until I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

SkysTheLimit
April 21, 2011 04:57PM

Registered: 10 years ago
Posts: 1,817

Parking lot on the Cay LOLbig grin
Lovin these!

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

poorthang
April 21, 2011 07:24PM

Registered: 7 years ago
Posts: 312

"If I pee in the water someone told me it turns red", silly smiley

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!
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beachguyvi
April 21, 2011 07:29PM

Registered: 7 years ago
Posts: 74

My favorite..."Do you have grocery stores?"
The reply..."No, and we are getting very hungry. Can you bring something down for us?"
Ugh.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Robob
April 23, 2011 10:09AM

Registered: 7 years ago
Posts: 34

Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

STXBob
April 23, 2011 10:54AM

Registered: 11 years ago
Posts: 2,116

I'm the caretaker for a vacation rental villa. A renter once said, "Not to downplay your role, but this place looks easy to maintain." In reality it takes 12 to 20 hours of work to get it all sparkling clean before each check-in.

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!
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Exit Zero
April 23, 2011 11:03AM

Registered: 9 years ago
Posts: 2,209

While boating along a deserted beach:
Who owns that island ?
I don't Know.
Who Lives on it?
No one lives there.
Then Why did they put a beach there??

Boating by Carvel Rock:
Do those rocks go all the way to the bottom??

Every Day:

So where is home??

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Alexandra
April 23, 2011 11:54AM

Registered: 11 years ago
Posts: 1,428

Quote
Robob
Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

Or just respond: Yes, Ma'am, stupid tourists will buy ANYTHING as long as we write "St. Croix" on it. Would you care to buy a St. Croix plunger?

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Alexandra
April 23, 2011 01:44PM

Registered: 11 years ago
Posts: 1,428

As a Realtor, the one that always makes me laugh is when showing people properties that have steep driveways and husband or wife says:

"Oh, we don't even want to look at this one. We'd never get our car up the driveway when it snows."

I just let them think about it for a moment or two and then respond, "THIS is our winter."

Some still take a few seconds more to catch on. Then one makes fun of the other for the rest of the day. I just figure this is a couple who hasn't quite grasped the concept of island life yet and they really have no idea what they are getting into.

But the single most stupid thing tourists do: Is go back to the mainland and continue to live in the rainy, cold, miserable place they came from!

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

noOne
April 23, 2011 03:15PM

Registered: 7 years ago
Posts: 1,495

Yeah one time I brought a girlfriend down to the islands, and when we first got there, my father's girlfriend and her were talking. I started to explain all of what I knew about the island's plants, bugs and animals. When I got to the end, I told them (very artfully) that there were essentially little red men with yellow polka dots that were very deadly, and to avoid them at all costs.

When my father got home from work, his girlfriend started asking him why he hadn't told her about these deadly little red men with yellow polka dots. He laughed and told me to cut the .....

Re: Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

terry
April 24, 2011 07:11AM

Registered: 12 years ago
Posts: 2,524

Another dive master was asked as he was taking a lady for a shore dive," what altitude are we?"

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