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How did you convince family and friends?

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tubbyscubby
(@tubbyscubby)
Advanced Member

Hey,

After I graduated from college, I had a hard time convincing my family that moving so far away was a good decision. Now when I talk about moving to the VI, it's not simply a "are you sure" reaction...they literally look at me like I'm crazy.

For those that have moved, how did your friends and family respond? How did you deal with those responses (especially the negative ones)?

Thanks

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Topic starter Posted : January 21, 2010 3:10 am
mydream
(@mydream)
Advanced Member

Tubbycubby, my family bulked at the idea and thought I was crazy. I set a date as to when I was to leave, and bought my one way ticket.
My family still didn't get it, even after I had my plane ticket. So then I started selling off everything I had, and as the date got closer no one was really asking me about it, as if they still did not believe. The day before I was to leave, I had everything packed and was heading to my sons home, so he could drive me to the airport. My plane was leaving at 5 am and the drive was 2 hours away. So at 2am in the morning I kissed my grandson(he was a year and half old) got in my car and my son drove me to the airport. We talked on the way, and I was sad that I was leaving. My son was the only one who never doubted that I would go, so he left me at the airport and drove away in my explorer, which is now his. We talk everyday on skype, and I get to see my grandson also. Skype is a good thing to have down here, it keeps you in touch and face to face. My biggest worry was that my grandson would forget me, but since we can see each other everyday, he thinks his Nana lives in the computer now. The end of this story is, I just left , and I really didn't talk much about it with family. I am 44 years old and can make my own decisions and after I was down here about a week, they all started calling. Oh my, you really did it! I said, yes, yes I did.
And now I look forward to the day when my son and grandson and family members can visit.

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Posted : January 21, 2010 4:26 am
tubbyscubby
(@tubbyscubby)
Advanced Member

@christina - OMG! that was so sweet. i cant tell you how similar our experiences are. i'm only 32 but i lost my mom back in 2002 and since then, i've moved wherever i please and each time, my friends and fam thought i was a wackadoo. i'm not saying they anticipated failure but they did expect my return.

i feared that the little one would never know me. my nephew was born within 4 months of my mom's death. it's just me and my brother and i knew for my bro that leaving made him feel....alone. but selfishly, i put me first.

my mom died young and if that taught me anything it's that you only have one life and that life is yours. if you're not happy, you're robbing others of the benefits that come when you're operating at 100%

i don't get to see my family as often as i like (at least once a year where i'd prefer 3x), but my nephew and i are very close. when i'm home, he's at my hip. and where i know he misses me, i pray we can get to the point where he's older and he can visit me. we can enjoy the island or wherever i happen to be at the time. it will be an adventure for him and an accomplishment for me.

thanks for sharing your story, 🙂
Ni

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Topic starter Posted : January 21, 2010 4:50 am
lc98
 lc98
(@lc98)
Trusted Member

When someone has a negative reaction to your news, remember that it is about THEM, not about YOU. Anyone who can't share your joy in making these plans has a selfish reason why not. Which is sad for them.

That said, there are a lot of people that just don't "get" why anyone would want to move to a faraway place where they don't know anyone. Don't waste too much time trying to explain it.

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Posted : January 21, 2010 10:06 am
divinggirl
(@divinggirl)
Trusted Member

When people told me I was crazy, I responded, "maybe, it's either the craziest thing or the best thing for me and time will tell." Well, 8 years later and I'm still here...not sure if that means I'm crazy though!

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Posted : January 21, 2010 10:08 am
Lizard
(@Lizard)
Trusted Member

I wonder what the pilgrims and all that followed told their family and friends?*-)

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Posted : January 21, 2010 11:21 am
chockman
(@chockman)
Trusted Member

Lead,follow or get he hell out of the way. Some people just have to live their own lives. No one ever said visitors not welcome.

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Posted : January 21, 2010 12:15 pm
marunner
(@marunner)
Advanced Member

I am catching the same attitude. The problem is is that the negative crap from family and friends starts to cause me to question my own beliefs and feelings. I made up my mind to come several weeks ago, and since then it has been all flak. I know that some of this is just being tested by the powers that be.

But deep down inside I know that it is the right thing for me to do - I must keep the faith, keep the dream and stay focused on the next right thing to get down there.

I must admit that the excitement about coming is sometimes hard to deal with, and I have to remind myself to be patient.

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Posted : January 21, 2010 4:56 pm
Bombi
(@Bombi)
Trusted Member

my family's biggest deal was heath care and who was going to care or my parents in their old age.

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Posted : January 21, 2010 5:20 pm
jefgar
(@jefgar)
Advanced Member

We lived most of our lives overseas; the only home our son knew in the US was our house we owned in VA and lived in when we were assigned to Washington. When we told him we planned to retire to STX, he asked, "What about our home in VA?" We told him it wasn't our home, just where we lived when assigned to DC. He still wasn't happy. Finally, I said, "Your first Christmas in college, do you want to tell your friends you're going home to VA to shovel snow, or do you want to be able to tell them you're going home to STX to scuba dive and sail.' He was instantly on board!

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Posted : January 21, 2010 7:33 pm
pamela
(@pamela)
Trusted Member

All my mother could say was "Oh, my". The family was used to me just picking up and running off in a different direction. Was it the best move my husband and I ever made? Don't really know but here 15 years last week so we must be doing something right. Or I have turned totally West Indian and inertia has set in.

If you think this is the move for you and you want to try it, come on down. It's not for everyone but for some of us, there is no place like STT for home.

Pamela

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Posted : January 21, 2010 8:43 pm
Novanut
(@novanut)
Trusted Member

I came for a visit five years ago and spent the rest of the time working on a way to return. My family knows I'm crazy so my decision didn't surprise them.

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Posted : January 22, 2010 10:55 am
dougtamjj
(@dougtamjj)
Expert

My family has the hardest time with us living on STX. Everytime I visit the states they beg, plead and do everything possible to keep us here. By the end of each visit I am an emotional wreck. It will be 4 years in June that we moved to STX and I thought it might get easier. My love for the island and how happy my 6 year old is there keeps me strong in my resolve to stay. It is difficult however.

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Posted : January 22, 2010 2:50 pm
Neil
 Neil
(@Neil)
Trusted Member

Hey,

After I graduated from college, I had a hard time convincing my family that moving so far away was a good decision. Now when I talk about moving to the VI, it's not simply a "are you sure" reaction...they literally look at me like I'm crazy.

For those that have moved, how did your friends and family respond? How did you deal with those responses (especially the negative ones)?

Thanks

A lot of us up here are old farts, so not sure our experience would apply to your situation.
At your age, your family will be second guessing you on a lot of things, so roll with it and go do what you want.

I'd just tell them you were "going to try it out for a year, and then decide if you wanted to stay."
How can anyone argue with that?

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Posted : January 22, 2010 8:55 pm
foltzie
(@foltzie)
Advanced Member

Unfortunately I lost my battle with my wife thanks to my mother -in-law. I had a job offer as a pharmacist at juan luis and another possible job at Dr's Choice , but her mother who lives in Puerto Rico was dead set against it. She eventually soured on the idea because her mother was so insistent that the VI was not a good place to live. We do have kids which I know makes it even tougher, but I'm sure they would have done well at Country Day or Good Hope. Anyway I'm still here in PA following the board quietly and living vicariously through you all. Still haven't given up hope maybe someday !

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Posted : January 22, 2010 9:13 pm
Lizard
(@Lizard)
Trusted Member

foltzie,
A Pharmacist tells a customer, in order to buy arsenic you must have a legal prescription. A Picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.

My mother-in-law told me she couldn't wait to dance on my grave. I'M being buried at sea.

Good Luck:-)

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Posted : January 22, 2010 9:49 pm
Linda J
(@Linda_J)
Expert

Perhaps the better question is "why do you feel the need to convince family and friends?".

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Posted : January 22, 2010 10:16 pm
Lizard
(@Lizard)
Trusted Member

LindaJ,
Most families are caring, loving and only want the best for their family. It's not about "need" to convince. It's about how you were brought up and the consideration given to loved ones.*-)

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Posted : January 22, 2010 10:28 pm
dougtamjj
(@dougtamjj)
Expert

I agree Lizard. That is why it is so hard for me. I have a very large close family.

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Posted : January 23, 2010 5:18 am
Linda J
(@Linda_J)
Expert

The original question was "how did you convince family and friends?" And I'm asking if that is really necessary?

What if your family and friends are never "convinced"? Do you defer to their opinions and stay where you are?

My point was that, at some point, we all have to do what's best for us. You can explain and discuss and convince, but in the final analysis, we all have to live our lives according to our own needs.

After almost 7 years my youngest sister still asks me when Ric and I are going to get this "out of our system" and move back. My daughter wishes we were closer but understands we have to do what we have to do.

My second sister is a different story. She does have veto power over our life here. My 86 year-old father lives with her and her husband in an in-law apartment in their house. When the day comes that she calls and says she and my dad need me back in Kentucky, I'll be gone.

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Posted : January 23, 2010 8:24 am
Lizard
(@Lizard)
Trusted Member

The Wise realize that it is better to bend than to break. Our only needs are food, shelter and clothing. One should not confuse emotion/desire with needs*-)

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Posted : January 23, 2010 10:56 am
terry
(@terry)
Expert

Years ago my daughter worked for Club Med all over the world for ten years. Whenever she came home every six months, her friends would ask her when was she going to come home and get a real job.
This would kind of upset her but we would tell her that they were just jealous.

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Posted : January 23, 2010 12:53 pm
tubbyscubby
(@tubbyscubby)
Advanced Member

@Linda J, you're right in that i will ultimately do what i want but part of what i want is to make sure that my fam/friends are comfortable with my decision. they don't have to like it but i don't want my elderly grandmother worrying at night about my safety when i on the other hand am chilling on a balcony sipping a pina colada.

will her fears stop me? no. but i do believe there are positive ways in which you can inform people you love about a major change. with my friends, i'm telling them early and will share the developments of my 12-16 month plan as need be. they're a little more supportive and are less likely to voice objections to me directly. as they begin to see i'm serious and that my plan is practical and well-thought out, i hope they'll gradually start thinking about how fun visiting me will be rather than focusing on what it'll be like to not have me here.

now with my family, i'm going with a "shock and awe" strategy 😀

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Topic starter Posted : January 23, 2010 2:49 pm
Suzette
(@Suzette)
Advanced Member

We've pretty much seen family and friends MORE since we moved here... We'd have to move BACK to get away from them !

-o8-)

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Posted : January 23, 2010 3:56 pm
Lizard
(@Lizard)
Trusted Member

:@)AMEN TO THAT!

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Posted : January 23, 2010 5:08 pm
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