Stupid things that ...
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Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

Posts: 2552
Famed Member
Topic starter

Asking people who are waiting on them in a shop:
Do you live here:S
Good answers would be:
no I commute between here and Miami every day.
No I take the train from St Thomas every day

Where can I buy a sample of the different colored water I see in the ocean:S
No good answer:@)

How do they keep the islands from bumping into each other:S
Answer: they are chained to the bottom:D

One lady was mad after snorkeling because it was SALT water. She wanted to know why because this wasn't the ocean but a sea, and where could she find the fresh water:S
No good answer:@)

Are there any Americans that live here:S

Posted : April 20, 2011 11:08 am
Posts: 523
Honorable Member

One of the things that really bothers me is watching people at Cane Bay walking across the coral in their fins as they're trying to snorkel. Um, if you're looking at it because it's pretty and interesting, why would you walk on it?


Posted : April 20, 2011 12:32 pm
Posts: 157
Estimable Member

From Molly at SCUBA.......(as she told me)

"Can you snorkel under the island?"
"When does it snow here?"

Posted : April 20, 2011 12:50 pm
Posts: 259
Reputable Member

Tourist is driving past Annally Farms one afternoon...old man Lawaetz is cowpunching some Senepols that had got loose from the pasture and were running across the road. Tourist stops his Jeep, walks over to Lawaetz, and asks him "what time is it?".

Lawaetz is trying to handle a 2-ton Senepol. He grabs its tail, moves the tail to the left, and says "it is three o'clock".

The tourist is astounded! 😮 He says "oh my God, you must teach me that trick!!"

Lawaetz says "OK...come over here and grab this bull by the tail".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says "OK, now move the tail to the left a little bit".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says " OK, now you see the clock on the church over there???"


Posted : April 20, 2011 1:35 pm
Posts: 525
Honorable Member

Ugh!!! That joke's so old when Adam told it to Eve she already heard it.

Posted : April 20, 2011 7:42 pm
Posts: 2
New Member

Q: How long have you lived on "St. John's"?
A: Umm... I don't live on St. John's, I live here: on ST JOHN.

Posted : April 20, 2011 8:12 pm
Posts: 887
Prominent Member

Q: (asked by a tourist getting off of a dive boat in C'sted harbor) How do you keep all the boats pointing the same direction?
A: That's the Harbor Masters job.

Posted : April 20, 2011 9:20 pm
Posts: 593
Honorable Member

Oh, I love these! People back on the mainland refer to me as an ex-pat all the time, which I hate. It's the *US* VI, people!

This reminds me of the politician who was concerned that sending more troops to Guam might make it tip over... *-)

Posted : April 20, 2011 11:46 pm
Posts: 408
Honorable Member

These are GREAT!! However, I still like the "Do you live here?" and the "No, I commute from Miami" I have used often!!

Posted : April 21, 2011 3:00 am
Posts: 1052
Noble Member

I was walking through Cruz Bay a couple of months ago and had my little baby with me (he's always with me 🙂 ) He gets a lot of attention and an older couple stopped me.

Wife: "OHH! He's so adorable! How old is he?"

Me: "He's 5 weeks old."

Wife: "He is just so cute! Bob, come look at this cute little baby."

Me: "Thank you! He's a very good little baby."

Wife: "He is just so cute! And look, he has a tan already!"

Me: silence...uh....

You see, he doesn't have a tan. I am white, his dad is a very dark skinned West Indian, and the little guy is about half way between us in skin color. I didn't know what to say to her. I was shocked into silence! I've since thought of a few things to say back 😀 BUT, in her defense, a few weeks ago a local Rasta guy kind of bitched me out on the street for letting my baby get "too much sun". Hee hee!

Posted : April 21, 2011 9:49 am
Posts: 2552
Famed Member
Topic starter

Is there fish in the water?

Posted : April 21, 2011 11:15 am
Posts: 2259
Noble Member

Just this week a lady with husband and kids in tow turned to them in Gourmet Gallery and said, they must ship these things in here because they have the same stuff we have at home. Duh! Bet they ship them to your area at home as well.

While touring with some friends from my college years 40 odd years ago, the wife asked if the water ever comes over the waterfront. I said yes during a storm surge during a hurricane it most certainly does. She said, what about a heavy rain? I laughed the husband laughed, she looked perplexed. I said, Mary Ann you sure do wear that blond hair of yours better than I can remember from years ago. A college educated nurse, mind you, that took care of sick people!

On St John there was a tour guide many years ago that would stop at the roadside that looks down at Maho Bay and tell the tourists that this beach is the only one that the water actually comes up to the sand! They were all in awe!

They always ask when I pick them up why we drive in the wrong side of the road. I say, no we don't we drive on the left, would you like me to drive on the right? No thanks!

What's my accent they ask. I don't have an accent, you do.

Posted : April 21, 2011 12:13 pm
Posts: 68
Trusted Member

I ran across this website a few months ago. It looks really new in the sense there is only 10-15 stories on it.

Looks like a FML variant to me.

My Favorite.

I was walking through the lobby of the hotel I work at and overhead a lady ask "What is up with the iguanas all over the island? Do you put them in cages at night?"

I haven't been here long enough to have a story of my own......

Posted : April 21, 2011 2:03 pm
Posts: 74
Trusted Member

I love it when they leave ALL money, credit cards on the ship, then try to buy things with their ship card. That works.

Posted : April 21, 2011 3:24 pm
Posts: 42
Eminent Member

While sharing a taxi from the airport and passing by Sunny Isle, a guy exclaimed, "Wow, they have a Wendy's here!" He then asked the driver, "Do you guys have schools here too?"

But my favorite was the first time I went to Hotel on the Cay with my wife. We walked onto the hurricane destroyed tennis courts on the backside of the Cay and she asked, "Why is there all this pavement here?" I told her it was the old parking lot. She fell for it for about 10 seconds until I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore.

Posted : April 21, 2011 8:16 pm
Posts: 1914
Noble Member

Parking lot on the Cay LOL:D
Lovin these!

Posted : April 21, 2011 8:57 pm
Posts: 312
Reputable Member

"If I pee in the water someone told me it turns red", 😛

Posted : April 21, 2011 11:24 pm
Posts: 74
Trusted Member

My favorite..."Do you have grocery stores?"
The reply..."No, and we are getting very hungry. Can you bring something down for us?"

Posted : April 21, 2011 11:29 pm
Posts: 34
Eminent Member

Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

Posted : April 23, 2011 2:09 pm
Posts: 2138
Noble Member

I'm the caretaker for a vacation rental villa. A renter once said, "Not to downplay your role, but this place looks easy to maintain." In reality it takes 12 to 20 hours of work to get it all sparkling clean before each check-in.

Posted : April 23, 2011 2:54 pm
Exit Zero
Posts: 2460
Famed Member

While boating along a deserted beach:
Who owns that island ?
I don't Know.
Who Lives on it?
No one lives there.
Then Why did they put a beach there??

Boating by Carvel Rock:
Do those rocks go all the way to the bottom??

Every Day:

So where is home??

Posted : April 23, 2011 3:03 pm
Posts: 1428
Noble Member

Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

Or just respond: Yes, Ma'am, stupid tourists will buy ANYTHING as long as we write "St. Croix" on it. Would you care to buy a St. Croix plunger?

Posted : April 23, 2011 3:54 pm
Posts: 1428
Noble Member

As a Realtor, the one that always makes me laugh is when showing people properties that have steep driveways and husband or wife says:

"Oh, we don't even want to look at this one. We'd never get our car up the driveway when it snows."

I just let them think about it for a moment or two and then respond, "THIS is our winter."

Some still take a few seconds more to catch on. Then one makes fun of the other for the rest of the day. I just figure this is a couple who hasn't quite grasped the concept of island life yet and they really have no idea what they are getting into.

But the single most stupid thing tourists do: Is go back to the mainland and continue to live in the rainy, cold, miserable place they came from!

Posted : April 23, 2011 5:44 pm
Posts: 1495
Noble Member

Yeah one time I brought a girlfriend down to the islands, and when we first got there, my father's girlfriend and her were talking. I started to explain all of what I knew about the island's plants, bugs and animals. When I got to the end, I told them (very artfully) that there were essentially little red men with yellow polka dots that were very deadly, and to avoid them at all costs.

When my father got home from work, his girlfriend started asking him why he hadn't told her about these deadly little red men with yellow polka dots. He laughed and told me to cut the .....

Posted : April 23, 2011 7:15 pm
Posts: 2552
Famed Member
Topic starter

Another dive master was asked as he was taking a lady for a shore dive," what altitude are we?"

Posted : April 24, 2011 11:11 am
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