Finding Friends??

Lena,

I feel your pain.

I noted from another of your posts that you came from the Pacific NW. i just got back from a fabulous week in Seattle!

In all honesty, Seattle is a city with some of the nicest people so it has been an adjustment to be back on St Thomas, but after a few days I readjusted and recalled that there are some nice people here.

As far as finding friends, I am a member of a Mommy group. One of our members just moved to GA. so we haven't met in a while, but perhaps you would like to join us. My daughter is the youngest at 16 months, the others are between 23 months and 20 months.

Alternatively, when the Red Cross has their baby swim classes at magen's Bay they are very popular and a great opportunity to meet other parents and kiddies.

Whatever you decide keep reaching out and I am sure you will find like-minded peopkle!

Lena,

I have not been here long enough to make friends but I'm thinking I might have to get a job to get out of the house and and have some human interaction. I have come to the realization that relocation to anywhere isn't easy if you stay at home all of the time. If you're ready to form the Lonely Islander Club, I'll gladly join! No babies here so I can't do the Mommy groups!

Allison

Get out there and do stuff you like to do. I bowl and have met a LOT of people that way. Also thru church. I have a child at VI Montessori and we are planning Las Vegas Night (Big fund raiser) but the reason I say this is that we are beginning dealer practices for blackjack every Tuesday and Thursday evening. Great place to meet people. It will be at Robert's at the Elysian. Mommy groups are great. Check the calendar section in the Daily News and the Island Trader and try to get out there and do some of the activities. And you could call me anytime. Just PM me.

My daughter is 13mo and loves to play with other children, I thought of putting her in daycare for one day a week, however the one I had in mind doesn't do part time.

I miss Seattle, planning a trip back in March. Did you go up there for Vacation, work, family?

I think it would be great to join, my husband is a pretty busy person, has the vehicle a lot but that sounds like fun. What are the mom's like?

How come you came down here?

What is the lonely Islander club? At this point I am willing to do anything, relocation is hard, when we moved from Seattle to Houston I was 7mo pregnant and thought I was going to die. After I had my daughter I loved it, however I don't see myself falling in love with the island!

Lena, you could also try lurking at a playground near you. You seem assertive and outspoken, so I am sure you would be able to introduce yourself should you see anyone interesting.

My mom lives in Seattle, so we were there on a visit. It was also Bumbershoot so everyone was in a particularly happy mood. My mom lives in Madison Park, so cafes, organic produce and Trader Joe's tempted us daily.

Why don't you also ask hubby to help out with the search for friends. Perhaps he has some colleagues who have children?

My mommy group is racially diverse and some moms are SAHM, while others, like me, work outside of the home.

Feel free to PM me..

I think it takes time to make friends. It is especially difficult when you moved for other reason than loving the islands. As a stay at home mom with no vehicle it can be very hart. Is there a chance you guys will get a second car or you could drive your dh to work so you have the car for the rest of the day? Could he car pool?

We moved to NJ 3 years ago from Philly. I have the same problems as you describe. People just don't talk to each other here. I knew almost every neighbor in Philly. Odd to think that folks in Philly are friendlier than Jersey folks.

It really helped me when I signed up for a class one night a week. I gave me time for myself and away from the children. Dh just would not get the hint that I too needed some off time. I had to leave the house to get it. It works out most of the time. I always wonder if dh remembers my class and gets home in time.

But that is my tip for you go and get out there. I never thought shopping was an activity lol. Mom's group are ok but I find you never really get the time to talk as you still are watching the children. I am sure you noticed they get louder in groups and temp to get more out of control in groups. But for your little one this would be good as well.
Good Luck I hope you stay open minded and find some friends soon

Iris

Iris,

Yes we are getting an Island vehicle for my husband to take, I do online college classes, between those and my daughter it keeps me busy but I still don't have the "adult" socialization everyone needs.

I have meet a couple through my husbands work however they just went back to the states!

Very good point on the mom's group, but for now I am looking for anything!

I am trying to stay open minded, if I don't it's going to be a hard two years!

hey lena a great social setting for families getting together is the st thomas yacht club. its fairly inexpensive and has lots of gatherings to socialize, network... and iris, go back to philly we dont want you here in nj...joking (kinda)

I think a change of "outward attitude" is in order. I think if you do meet other people and you have the attitude " that this palce and everything about it sucks", people are going to want to stay away. Unless you meet some like minded people, the you can have a Pity Party.
You can still not like the place, just don't convey it to everyone you meet.
IMHO

I'm afraid I have to agree with Terry. You have been given lots of ideas and suggestions. But you don't really sound interested in fitting in and enjoying your 2 years in the VI. If that is the case, then you are correct, you are in for a long rough 2 years.

It's been my experience here that trying to befriend a newbie is usually a futile effort, as many of them don't last here and end up back in America. Many of the people here share the same attitude, hence the burden falls on the newbie to take the first step to make friends. Once you make a few friends, then it really opens up. Take some of the above suggestions, go into it with a good attitude and I'm sure your hatred for here will dissipate! You may even come to love it! I know I do!

Terry and Linda:

Give her a break!

How do you know she has an attitude problem? Obviously she wants to enjoy her two years on the island - if not, why would she bother to reach out at all? Being a little less judgemental and a little friendlier might be more helpful to her than jumping to conclusions. Goodness gracious!!

Angela

Her first post said "I hate it here".

Lena,

One possibility for meeting people is volunteer work. There are lots of places where spending a few hours a week could be fun for you and greatly appreciated by others . Your volunteer staus would predispose the people you work with to like you because your actions are selfless and indicate a desire to becomes a part of your new community.

As a newbie, I've found that other newbies make for fast friends. We're all going through similar problems and adventures, and we can sympathize with and help each other, and discover fun things to do together. We've usually got no extended family here, so other newbies become our family for holiday gatherings, socializing, etc. I cannot offer tips on where to meet people in STT, but on STX there's Sunset Jazz in Frederiksted and other live music venues, hiking and other clubs, jump-ups 4 times a year, etc. Don't be shy about striking up a conversation with anybody who looks interesting. The fastest way to find that perfect group of friends is to go out and meet them. If you click, they will introduce you to their friends, and so on. And be on the lookout especially for "connectors". They are individuals or couples who seem to meet and know everybody, because of their personality and/or their jobs. Once you meet them, you can get to know a lot of other people quickly. They may be real estate brokers, restaurant or hotel owners, contractors, or just "private citizens".

Being new to this board, I don't feel quite confident in responding to the other posts but 'i will share a few observations and experiences. My wife and I spent a week in STX in June for the first time and I must admit, we met some of the most friendly people there compared to the many other islands in the Caribbean that we visit. From the hotel and restaurant staff, locals on the streets or in the bars to shop workers (islanders and transplants). You just need to make the first move.

I bought the "Settlers Handbook" while there and I'm reading it now back home here in Washington D.C, and I have to agree with "dntw8up" , it seems that volunteering is one way to go. Not only will you meet people with similar interests but you'll help make an impact on the community and quality of life as well.

We're trying very hard to relocate to STX in the next few years (can't afford STJ) and plan on spending another week in STX again in June 2007 to continue to learn our way around, visit the markets, neighborhoods, job opportunities and so forth. I say all this in hopes that I too will get advice from others without having to be too repetitive the next time I log on.

Hang in there and make the effort to try some of the advice given. It won't all work all the time but when something does, it will usually take on a snowball effect. I wish you luck - James

Everyone,

Thank you for all of your ideas, some fit my lifestyle while others sound good but wont fit in.

I just want to say that yes I am an out-spoken person (not to a negative effect) I love family and friends; being in my early to mid twenties, married and already starting my family, it is hard to relocate every two years, I am a very family oriented person not having that is hard. And until you've been in my position I don't feel you can criticise me. Most of you have moved here because you've visited the island before and liked it, job reason, or something new. I came for and with my husband, I had never been here before, but I am supporting my husband while he climbs the corp latter.

This was not my idea to come here, I am trying to learn and deal with it. I would have not joined this message board if I didn't want to have a fun and exciting two years.

Thanks Angela,
I am beginning to think joining this message board was a bad idea, not planing on posting anymore messages, a lot of my thoughts have been prov-en by a couple of these messages!

Cheers

On line classes don't really count. You should take classes which take you out of the house. Even if they are just for fun. Actually that might be even better for you right now. Perhaps a local art class or do you like to sing. Learn to play steel drums. What a skill to bring home lol. You will be the party girl of choice lol. I hope your dh is more social than my. On weekend he love to just stay home and not do anything. That does not help meeting people.

I visited Seattle beginning of the year and loved it. We had the only rain free week. I was so prepared for the rain. Food is super and you can do your own island hopping right there. I totally understand you miss it. Two years are not that long. Just look at it as a very long vacation.

Cheers
Iris

lol, I will have to cross the boarders in the middle of the night as I already have made enemies here lol. I took pictures of a run down dangerous playground and send it in to the local newspaper. I am waiting for the crazy South Philly now Audubon Major to come to my house and stone me. I bed they are scanning for possibilities to dig a mine so all our children can get a job there. The schools in this town are not much better than the public schools in the VI 😉

Iris

Dear Lena,

You seem easily affected by even very minor negativism or criticism which is unfortunate as the majority of posters who have responded to your question have offered you a diversity of suggestions designed to help make your next two years both fruitful, educational, productive and happy.

Unfortunately, you said in your first post, "I hate it here," then said in another post, "...however I don't see myself falling in love with the island!" This bespeaks a basic negativity from the onset.

There is a wealth of diversity here and it's entirely up to you whether or not you make the best of these two years or not. You say that some of the ideas fit your lifestyle while others "sound good but won't fit in." Maybe if you thought more in terms of how to adapt your previous lifestyle and see how those "good" ideas MIGHT fit in rather than concluding that they simply "won't" things could work out very nicely for you.

It would be such a shame if someone as young as you spent two years here being miserable when it could be an awesome experience you might cherish for the rest of your life. If your aim is to support your husband as he climbs the corporate ladder, don't you think it would be better for his peace of mind and success to come home from a hard day at work to a wife and daughter who are excited about what THEY did and saw during the day? You really shouldn't (whether you be here or anywhere else) be reliant on your husband's business contacts for socialization. If you get out there and meet new people on your own, you will only add to the mix instead of making him in any way feel reliant upon HIS contacts to keep you happy.

Your daughter is still very young but by the time two years is up she'll be a real little thinking person. Her living experience here, doing things that she might well not have available to her in small-town USA could have an incredibly positive impact on her development.

People come here for myriad reasons and you only touched upon them in your summation of their reasons.

I think it would be helpful to you to read the moving stories, as well as all sorts of information you can find if you go to the first announcement at the top of this page posted by Islander. You are NOT the first to come here under your particular circumstances and you won't be the last, so please do read all the information available to you on this forum with an open heart and mind.

Your family needs your support. You can run away from this incredible forum and all that it has to offer or you can open up to it and embrace what is going to be your life for the next two years.

I wish you all the best, and I know everyone else does too.

Lena - I moved to STX from Seattle and LOVE it. The weather and the ocean and the lack of traffic are three huge points in STX's favor. Each island is different, though, and I don't enjoy STT nearly as much, largely due to the traffic and more compact nature of the island. I go back to Seattle to visit a few times each year and it always reinforces my desire to get back to the islands ASAP. I'll be going up next week for a couple days and I'm already shivering just thinking about the temperature drop.

Hang in there and give it a little time. It's a good move to seek out some new friends. It may well be that by the time your two years are up you will have settled in well and wish you could stay a couple years more.

I agree that sometimes there are some snippy responses on this board that can make a first time poster hesitant to speak up again in the future. Try to shrug that off and keep at it. Many people here will be helpful and empathetic to your situation. You might make a couple friends or at least get a few good ideas.

Best of luck!

Alexandra - it is down right chilly first thing in the morning here right now - bring your sweater and some warm socks. That said, it is still sunny during the day.

Lena - just ignore the resident grouches. If you look back at their previous posts, they are all much of a muchness. Just think of them as snippy rude people and then ignore them. Focus on the more positive people.

Do you like to read, sew, knit? Indulge yourself with time for yourself. Think of this as a vacation from responsibility etc. You might try changing the way you think/speak about it. The "old fake it till you make it "deal.
Thoughts create/alter emotions.
You do not have to like the islands at all, I was glad to leave,but, you do have to like your life. Have you ever wanted to paint? Talk to complete strangers without embarrassment? Now is a time that you can re-invent yourself. Talk to other mums, but try to enjoy your own company.

GET THE CAR!!!!!!!!! That will empower you and help with some of the "trapped?" feelings etc.
Good Luck

Lena: Of course your situation is different because you did not choose to come here. Maybe if you can think of this time as an exile to one of the outer rings of hell (it could be worse! 😉 ) and try to find something good each day. You will only torture yourself if you think of how things should be. And yes, people come and go pretty regularly, so enjoy them while you have them around. I hope you will take Onika up on her offer. I have seen many women who have found strength in their Mommy groups. I wish you all the best.